Journal

So, I'm going to post another journal entry that we had to write for my internship. The topic was to share about a significant revelation that caused our love or passion for God to grow. As I thought about what to write, so many instances came to mind, but one stood out among the rest. So, here it is:

It was some time in March 2010 when God awakened my heart to a concept that I had heard plenty of times before, but it had never sunk in. Three of my teammates and I were driving from a tiny village in Hungary back to our home in the suburbs of Vienna, Austria. It was late at night and two of my teammates had already fallen asleep. The driver was a guy named Jake, who is now my boyfriend but at this time was just a friend and to be frank, at times a thorn in my side :) Assuming that everyone in the car was asleep he turned off the music we had been listening to and switched to a sermon on his i-pod. As soon as I heard the preacher's voice and recognized it as Mike Bickle I got so annoyed. Over the 2 years or so prior to this point Jake fell head over heals in love with God and was so 'extreme' in my eyes. His passion, pursuit, discipline, joy, all of it bothered me because I was jealous, I didn't understand it, and it seemed so dramatic. God gave him a passion for prayer, and Jake used IHOP as a resource for teachings and the online prayer room could often be heard coming out of his bedroom. So, in my mind, I associated Mike Bickle as the source of Jake's strange transformation and was completely turned off to anything he had to say. Plus, I knew he taught about the Song of Solomon which in my mind was the creepiest piece of literature ever! Unable to fall asleep, and too lazy to pull out my own i-pod to tune out Bickle's voice, I lazily listened to the sermon. The next hour or so, I silently wept in the back seat of our old Volkswagon as God opened my eyes and my heart to the First Commandment. The revelation that Jesus Himself said that this was the most important thing for the saints to grasp was mind boggling. How had I never heard this before? Why did it seem like the church was preaching so many other things as priority number one? I wasted so many hours worrying about what my vision and purpose was when it was staring me in the face all along! This is the calling of God for the church, to love Him with everything we have. Suddenly the country or the ministry or the skills I once felt were so crucial to knowing my future seemed pointless. In the next days I couldn't get enough time with God. Christianity becoming all about love liberated me. It empowered me to seek God all the more. It also unlocked more and more the reality of God's vast love for us. I haven't been the same since. Around that time I started praying, reading the Bible, and fasting more than I ever had before. The fruit came quickly and I became a different person. I was able to love others and view the ministry I was apart of with a fresh outlook. We are way more energized to love others when we are consumed with love for God first. I decided to become a student of how to love God with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind, and all of my strength for the rest of my life. What a destiny! (And in case you were wondering, my outlook toward Jake obviously changed too. Of course I liked him during the time that he bothered me so badly, but learning about love opened my eyes to his 'odd' behavior. Yep, he had it right all along and I was finally able to love him).