The Atmosphere of the Heart

This is my second week at my nannying job and yesterday Jake started at his new job. God has definitely provided! After getting together with a mentor friend of mine, she mentioned that her husband was looking for someone to work for his hardwood flooring business. Jake doesn't have any experience with flooring, but they're willing to teach and he's willing to learn. We've also been trying out some of the small groups at our church, and getting more involved at Gateway. We're settling in, and making Pennsylvania our new home.

Being a nanny has been fun but also has it's challenges. I have to decide how to spend my time and do it wisely. I've been implementing the trend of every day after I put the lil guy down for his (hopefully) two hour nap, and I've cleaned up my "work space"

I try to dial down and spend some time in the presence of God, reading the Word, a good book, and sipping some tea.

Since arriving in Pennsylvania God has been doing some pointing out of stuff in my life. Well, actually He's doing it to both Jake and I. I guess that's what happens when you ask God to search your heart and point out anything that is hindering love. It's painful! The leader of Gateway has been preaching messages that are totally aiding God in pointing out some areas of compromise and "mixture" in our lives. At first I wasn't handling it very well, and even now it's a struggle. I let myself hop on the downward spiral of shame, condemnation, and despair. I didn't see how I could change so many things in my life. I could only see my continual failure and didn't think I could take back any ground in a permanent way. It's funny, in those moments I almost missed the days of when God was dealing with areas of outward compromise. Those are easier to deal with! It's easier to just cut things out of your life, or decide not to engage in certain activities. So, that's my instant reaction when God starts showing me compromise in my heart. "Ok God, I'll stop watching movies, going on facebook, reading fiction books and writing a blog. I'll fast more, read 10 chapters of the Bible a day, begin a study on the attributes of God etc etc etc." I dust off my hands and call it finished. Yeah, that doesn't work anymore. I'm not saying that God wouldn't/doesn't ask me to do some of those things, but it just doesn't deal with my heart! Jake and I have realized how good we are at making things look real pretty on the outside. We're good at looking devout, steadfast, and surrendered when really on the inside there's another story going on. Revelation chapters 2 & 3 keep popping into my mind where God addresses some of the churches during that time. There are 3 churches that He gives a pretty firm rebuke to and I'm certain that the sin and darkness they were embracing is still prevalent in the church and in my own heart today. In each of these churches Jesus commends them because they have had some good things going on for them. They do good deeds, have perseverance, they endure hardships, they don't mingle with evil, they have a reputation of being a live. But to all 3 of the churches He gives similar rebukes; You have forsaken your first love, you are dead on the inside, and luke warm! Ouch!!! Even just typing those three rebukes brings tears to my eyes as I realize that all 3 of those things can be like a disease of the heart and go completely unnoticed by anyone else. Praise God for His loving kindness and mercy toward us when He disciplines us! (Rev. 3:19- Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent!) Bringing the status of my heart to the light is His way of showing mercy to me. It's His way of saying "Lindy, I love you and I don't want your heart to grow cold. I want you to be with me where I am. That being said, this is going to hurt now, but it's all worth it in the end!"
In the last letter to the 7th church, Laodicea, Jesus tells the people there to do 3 things in order to change their status from luke warm to firey hot. He tells them to buy gold from Him that has been refined in the fire, white clothes to wear, and salve to put on their eyes. I have my own thoughts on what those three things are, and if I'm not exactly right, I still think my interpretation is something I should do anyways because it's Biblical and important :) I think the gold refined in the fire is the same thing as the oil in the parable of the 10 virgins. In the parable of the 10 virgins, 5 of them are wise and had stored up enough oil for the wedding banquet, while the other 5 were foolish and didn't have enough. When the time came to go into the wedding, the 5 who were foolish asked the 5 who were wise to give them some of their oil but it was too late. I believe that the oil is time spent in the presence of God, actively knowing and pursuing Him and having a living relationship with Him. Jesus wanted the Laodiceans to buy this gold from Him. To spend time in prayer and cultivating a surrendered relationship with God. Loving God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. To build my life with the things that matter for eternity, the things that last and we can take with us.
The second thing He told them to buy is white garments. Every time white clothing is talked about in the Bible it represents righteousness and blamelessness. We're meant to be clothed in righteousness. This is an invitation to remember the cross daily. No matter what we do, we can never work up enough righteousness to be right before God. Jesus' victory over sin and death on the cross so that every single sinner might be paid for in full is the only thing that makes us righteous. We remember again and again with a grateful heart that the penalty has been paid in full by an innocent man who gave up everything to be near us. The character of Jesus seen through the cross is all the example we need. Complete surrender, perfect humility, the servant of all, unconditional love. Following His example in word and deed, in the outward exterior areas of our lives is essential. Yep, we're going to mess up, but "Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again..." (Prv 24:16). It's not that we don't ever fail, the difference is that we never quit.
And lastly Jesus tells them to buy salve for their eyes that they might see. I'm guessing that most of the Laodiceans weren't physically blind, so that must mean that He was talking about a different kind of eye. Ephesians 1:18-19 "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." The Laodiceans were blinded in their understanding of spiritual matters, especially the status of their own hearts. In the letter to them it says "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." They didn't realize that they had grown dull in their heart, and thus were deceived into thinking they had arrived. Like the Pharisees, their eyes were blinded to what true righteousness was as they boasted in their outward appearance and their seemingly "spotless" lifestyle. I need to pray daily to be able to see things the way God sees them. I want to see myself, others and God rightly. I want to see with the help of the Holy Spirit.

To summarize, I must joyfully repent, (joyful, because every time I repent I get the chance to experience even more of God!) and turn to simple and pure devotion of Jesus. Surrendering every area of my life to Him and His leadership while remembering the beauty of His work on the cross. Whew. It's that simple, but it can be so hard. I'll have to readjust this vision day by day, moment by moment, but that's ok! It's not failure when I fall, it's failure when I don't stand up again.