Banana-grams.

My husband is so sweet. He is caring, loving, and incredibly thoughtful. I'm surrounded by little reminders of his sweetness and I like to document as many of them as I can.

Sometimes when I roll out of bed for breakfast after he's already gone to work I find little messages written on my bananas. 

Also, he likes to buy me a flower or two for our kitchen table. Sadly, I didn't take pictures of some of the ones he gave me while we were in Minnesota, but here's what we have right now.

I like him a lot. I learn more about the heart of God through him, and I'm encouraged to be more like Jesus because of the lifestyle that I get to observe in Jake every day. I married a good one!

More posts to come about love, valentines, and so such. 

The Atmosphere of the Heart

This is my second week at my nannying job and yesterday Jake started at his new job. God has definitely provided! After getting together with a mentor friend of mine, she mentioned that her husband was looking for someone to work for his hardwood flooring business. Jake doesn't have any experience with flooring, but they're willing to teach and he's willing to learn. We've also been trying out some of the small groups at our church, and getting more involved at Gateway. We're settling in, and making Pennsylvania our new home.

Being a nanny has been fun but also has it's challenges. I have to decide how to spend my time and do it wisely. I've been implementing the trend of every day after I put the lil guy down for his (hopefully) two hour nap, and I've cleaned up my "work space"

I try to dial down and spend some time in the presence of God, reading the Word, a good book, and sipping some tea.

Since arriving in Pennsylvania God has been doing some pointing out of stuff in my life. Well, actually He's doing it to both Jake and I. I guess that's what happens when you ask God to search your heart and point out anything that is hindering love. It's painful! The leader of Gateway has been preaching messages that are totally aiding God in pointing out some areas of compromise and "mixture" in our lives. At first I wasn't handling it very well, and even now it's a struggle. I let myself hop on the downward spiral of shame, condemnation, and despair. I didn't see how I could change so many things in my life. I could only see my continual failure and didn't think I could take back any ground in a permanent way. It's funny, in those moments I almost missed the days of when God was dealing with areas of outward compromise. Those are easier to deal with! It's easier to just cut things out of your life, or decide not to engage in certain activities. So, that's my instant reaction when God starts showing me compromise in my heart. "Ok God, I'll stop watching movies, going on facebook, reading fiction books and writing a blog. I'll fast more, read 10 chapters of the Bible a day, begin a study on the attributes of God etc etc etc." I dust off my hands and call it finished. Yeah, that doesn't work anymore. I'm not saying that God wouldn't/doesn't ask me to do some of those things, but it just doesn't deal with my heart! Jake and I have realized how good we are at making things look real pretty on the outside. We're good at looking devout, steadfast, and surrendered when really on the inside there's another story going on. Revelation chapters 2 & 3 keep popping into my mind where God addresses some of the churches during that time. There are 3 churches that He gives a pretty firm rebuke to and I'm certain that the sin and darkness they were embracing is still prevalent in the church and in my own heart today. In each of these churches Jesus commends them because they have had some good things going on for them. They do good deeds, have perseverance, they endure hardships, they don't mingle with evil, they have a reputation of being a live. But to all 3 of the churches He gives similar rebukes; You have forsaken your first love, you are dead on the inside, and luke warm! Ouch!!! Even just typing those three rebukes brings tears to my eyes as I realize that all 3 of those things can be like a disease of the heart and go completely unnoticed by anyone else. Praise God for His loving kindness and mercy toward us when He disciplines us! (Rev. 3:19- Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent!) Bringing the status of my heart to the light is His way of showing mercy to me. It's His way of saying "Lindy, I love you and I don't want your heart to grow cold. I want you to be with me where I am. That being said, this is going to hurt now, but it's all worth it in the end!"
In the last letter to the 7th church, Laodicea, Jesus tells the people there to do 3 things in order to change their status from luke warm to firey hot. He tells them to buy gold from Him that has been refined in the fire, white clothes to wear, and salve to put on their eyes. I have my own thoughts on what those three things are, and if I'm not exactly right, I still think my interpretation is something I should do anyways because it's Biblical and important :) I think the gold refined in the fire is the same thing as the oil in the parable of the 10 virgins. In the parable of the 10 virgins, 5 of them are wise and had stored up enough oil for the wedding banquet, while the other 5 were foolish and didn't have enough. When the time came to go into the wedding, the 5 who were foolish asked the 5 who were wise to give them some of their oil but it was too late. I believe that the oil is time spent in the presence of God, actively knowing and pursuing Him and having a living relationship with Him. Jesus wanted the Laodiceans to buy this gold from Him. To spend time in prayer and cultivating a surrendered relationship with God. Loving God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. To build my life with the things that matter for eternity, the things that last and we can take with us.
The second thing He told them to buy is white garments. Every time white clothing is talked about in the Bible it represents righteousness and blamelessness. We're meant to be clothed in righteousness. This is an invitation to remember the cross daily. No matter what we do, we can never work up enough righteousness to be right before God. Jesus' victory over sin and death on the cross so that every single sinner might be paid for in full is the only thing that makes us righteous. We remember again and again with a grateful heart that the penalty has been paid in full by an innocent man who gave up everything to be near us. The character of Jesus seen through the cross is all the example we need. Complete surrender, perfect humility, the servant of all, unconditional love. Following His example in word and deed, in the outward exterior areas of our lives is essential. Yep, we're going to mess up, but "Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again..." (Prv 24:16). It's not that we don't ever fail, the difference is that we never quit.
And lastly Jesus tells them to buy salve for their eyes that they might see. I'm guessing that most of the Laodiceans weren't physically blind, so that must mean that He was talking about a different kind of eye. Ephesians 1:18-19 "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." The Laodiceans were blinded in their understanding of spiritual matters, especially the status of their own hearts. In the letter to them it says "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." They didn't realize that they had grown dull in their heart, and thus were deceived into thinking they had arrived. Like the Pharisees, their eyes were blinded to what true righteousness was as they boasted in their outward appearance and their seemingly "spotless" lifestyle. I need to pray daily to be able to see things the way God sees them. I want to see myself, others and God rightly. I want to see with the help of the Holy Spirit.

To summarize, I must joyfully repent, (joyful, because every time I repent I get the chance to experience even more of God!) and turn to simple and pure devotion of Jesus. Surrendering every area of my life to Him and His leadership while remembering the beauty of His work on the cross. Whew. It's that simple, but it can be so hard. I'll have to readjust this vision day by day, moment by moment, but that's ok! It's not failure when I fall, it's failure when I don't stand up again.

Sunday afternoon thoughts

Our apartment is just right for us. We love it. Maybe it's just because it's our first place we can call our own, and not because our apartment is something really special, but either way it seems like a good fit. We're having a lot of fun figuring out how to make it homey and creative and be a picture of our distinct flavors. This weekend we finally finished up painting all of our mis-matched furniture so that they all some what go together. :) We've used up almost all of our Target giftcards from the wedding and we're scheming on an Ikea trip in the not so distant future.

On another note, in the time it took me to write that paragraph above, 7 horse and buggies drove by our apartment.

Yep, that's normal life out here for us. Just yesterday we passed one on a somewhat busy highway and Jake, while driving, stared at it as long as he could and said "I don't think this will ever get old to me." It is neat. We live in such a unique area that I took for granted all my life. (Buggy #8 and #9 just passed) I also feel like God is doing something so uniquely packaged for this area. Since coming back I've heard a number of stories of Mennonite and Amish prayer meetings being encountered by the Holy Spirit and having all of the chains of legalism broken off of them. One guy who is really involved at Gateway and whom I've always seen as someone very led by the Spirit told us his story last weekend. He grew up in Iowa as a strict Mennonite (for example, for his 16th birthday he was given his own buggy rather than a car). As he got older he was so restless with the lifestyle he was in and he was hungry for more. He left the Mennonite community at first out of rebellion. He moved to Lancaster county, mostly for the comfort of being around a similar culture as the one he grew up in, but God had some other things in mind. An opportunity came up to go overseas on a mission trip with other Mennonites and he decided to go. During that time he was so ministered to by the lifestyle and faith of the local believers who he was supposed to be aiding and encouraging. On that trip one of the girls, (who I ended up doing the internship with) told him about Gateway house of prayer and encouraged him to spend some time there processing the things he saw and what God was doing in his heart. Well, to make a long story short God rocked his world and showed up! He ended up doing one of the internships at Gateway and has been a firey, spirit-filled believer ever since! I feel so strongly that an abundance of testimonies similar to this one are going to spring up all over this region as God opens the eyes of a devoted but deceived group of people (deceived in the area of making their lifestyle a rule rather than a choice which leads to worship). Gateway is committed to praying for regional transformation and revival and I believe that as the Saints join together in travailing and interceding we will see an outpouring of the Spirit in a region that has been dominated by a preoccupation with religion and works. Oh God, let it be so! (buggy #10 and #11)

A Paurus Christmas

So I know this is a little late, but I needed to give an overview of our first Christmas together as a married couple. Obviously we were in Minnesota, so we spent most of our time with Jake's family. Jake and I spent a lot of Christmas Eve together doing our own celebration. The night before Christmas Eve we began the festivities by going on a search for a donut pan. Jake had bought some pumpkin spiced donut mix and wanted to start the tradition of having donuts together on Christmas eve morning. So, around 10:30 p.m. we realized that we needed a pan to make this possible. After visiting Wal-Mart and then Target this was all we were able to come up with:

Yep. One of the kind Target workers went in the back stock room and gave us a valentine's donut pan. It was late, and we were desperate, so we took it.

Then we proceeded to watch a Muppet's Christmas Carol (my family tradition) and open our presents for each other.

 Jake really wanted to wear his robe all day. It's definitely one of a kind.

Jake made me this sweet carrying case for all of my gauges. He sewed it and everything!! I'm so proud of him!

On Christmas day we headed over to his parents house and had a great time with the family. 

 One of the Paurus family traditions involves doing some kind of performance before you can open your first gift. Jake's involved writing a verse on the window. Don't worry, we think it was a washable marker.

 Jake got a guitar for Christmas!

 Jake's lil bro Ike

Jake's sister's fiance, Taka, made us this amazing canvas! He's a talented photographer.

It was a wonderful first Christmas together and I'm so looking forward to the many more memories we get to make together. This next time around we get to do it with a little more Beamesderfer flavor.

Public Library Updates

I'm currently using a computer at our local public library and a little yellow box in the right hand corner of the screen keeps flashing how many minutes I have left. In other words, this will be a quick update.

I'll post a few bullet points about what life has been like since moving to PA

• We finally got into our apartment on Tuesday after being told many different dates and times that we should be able to move in. It turned out that we got a much nicer apartment than we were expecting and 2 bedrooms instead of one! Needless to say, I'm very excited about the change.
• Jake is no longer a vacuum salesman and is still looking for a job. Today he's helping transport cars from one dealership to another with a friend of ours. We're trusting God to provide and keeping our ears and eyes opened for any opportunities.
• Last night we went to a staff meeting for all the people who help out at Gateway House of Prayer. We mingled, small talked, dreamed, and became even more passionate and excited about what God has in store for us during our season here.
• Jake calls our apartment the "Hobbit Hole" because he has to duck while walking under one of the doorways. If he jumped in any of the rooms he would most likely be very sorry he did.
• Jake and I are excited about the church we will be attending here. Yesterday instead of a normal service of preaching and listening, the entire congregation had a time of corporate prayer. It was an awesome time and we're really looking forward to getting more involved.
• Our apartment is still chaotic with boxes and suitcases and random odds and ends all over the place. Every time I have the chance to unpack, something else comes up and I can't seem to get much done. Yesterday I started painting some of our not-so-pretty furniture and it makes me so excited to see how everything will turn out once all is said and done.
• My job situation is also up in the air. I'm currently working for the job I had before, helping elderly people in their homes, but I don't think that is where I will be permanently. We shall see.
• I have 19 minutes left.
• I promise to post pictures and talk about Christmas (a little late, I know) once we have the internet. Supposedly our modem will arrive on Wednesday. Ta ta!

We're here!

Well, I have plenty to update on, but no exciting pictures to make it more interesting. We had a delightful first Christmas, and I did make sure to take some photos of that, but they'll have to wait for later.

We arrived in Pennsylvania on Friday night at midnight. It was a long and interesting drive. We both needed to drive our cars to fit as much of our stuff as possible, so that made for a very quiet ride as well. Jake's car had some problems and at one point we thought for sure it was done for. But we made it and are happy to be done driving!

This week our main focus has been job hunting. I really don't like job hunting. It makes me have this weird feeling in my stomach if I think about it too much. Jake lucked out and found a job right away as, you guessed it, a vacuum salesman. Anyone need a Kirby? Now while he's off learning how to wow customers with the superior suction of a Kirby vacuum, I head to the local library to job hunt. I keep thinking of the Jon Thurlow song that goes a little something like this:

Help me to trust You

Help my unbelief

I want to be dependent on You

There's not a care in the world while I am trusting You completely!

I have to believe that God knows what He's doing. I can't get discouraged after being told at one place that I shouldn't even bother applying because she doesn't like the way my ears look (no joke). I need to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and believe His promise that all other things will be added on top of that. 

In other news, we were supposed to be able to move into our apartment this weekend, but now it's looking like it won't be until February 3rd! This is also a bit adverse but we're learning to be content and thankful in every situation. If nothing else, we are so blessed that my parents aren't charging us so we'll be able to save a months rent! 

The next internship at the house of prayer started on Saturday and Jake and I already went to our first home group with them. We're both so excited to be involved in anyway we can and watch the lives of these people get touched by the power of God's presence while they live an intentionally fasted lifestyle and encounter God in the secret place. Every time I walk into Gateway I'm grateful to be reminded of the reason we moved out here. I'm so excited to see what God wants to do with this season of life.