God is teaching me a lot. I know blogs are usually more or less talking about the things that someone does, but I feel as if the happenings in my heart are a bit more pressing and important at the moment. So, I'm going to fill you in.
Lately I've been feeling extremely tired and depleted. It's as if all life has been drained out of me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My mind was constantly buzzing with random thoughts and dreams and I could never seem to pin one down long enough to understand it. It was as if I was walking in a fog for days on end.
I couldn't seem to hear from God. My interactions with people were shallow and forced. My physical health was spiraling downwards. What is going on here?
Well, I do believe I'm finally able to put my finger on it.
Inside of everyone is an extremely strong desire to be known and to be loved. This desire, which we attempt to quench with friendships and relationships, is only completely and perfectly filled by our Heavenly Father. As this longing to be loved and valued became evident inside of me, I attempted to fill it with carnal things. Since these objects and false gods that I've erected in my heart can't fill that void, they have left me feeling lost, unloved, useless, and most of all, not myself. It's exhausting when you aren't acting like yourself for long periods of time. Eventually, you can't even remember what the real you looks like. Well, I've come to that point. It's ugly and self-centered. But, there is good news! God's love for me is completely and overwhelmingly deeper than any love I could encounter on earth. He is my Father and is absolutely delighted in me. As a daughter of the King, He asks me to be myself. To come to Him abandoned and unashamed. I have faith that He will finish the work that He started in me, and that as I hear his voice, I need only to follow Him.
God really spoke to me using the woman at the well as an example. This video speaks volumes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q49BbfgJbto
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Die Freude am Herrn ist meine Kraft.
The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Surrender. That doesn't sound like the most appealing concept. At this stage of my life, that seems to be a reoccuring theme. Laying down myself, and taking on the way of Jesus. This seems to be happening in even the littlest of things. I feel as if I'm under construction right now. Every motivation, thought, action, desire, is being surveyed, and then brought infront of the "filter" of Jesus Christ. Does this look like Jesus? Smell like Jesus? Sound like Jesus? If not, I don't want it. This is a beautifully painful thing and I'm thankful that the construction worker is a kind and gracious God.
Today is my last day in the first level of our German course. Next week I will no longer be in 1A but 1B! How exciting! I'm getting the hang of it more and more, just one step at a time. We had a substitute that talked about how learning German is like eating an elephant and that we can't expect to get it all at once. It was fun hearing him say all of that in German!
I've been making a lot more Austrian friends lately. I am so thankful. My desire for relationships outside of my team is overwhelming at times. I'm so thankful that God is starting to place people in my life that I can build a friendship with.
Continue to pray for our Visa situation. It is starting to look more promising. Two of my teammates have already secured their spots for a visa. They're also no longer looking at money as an issue for whether or not we're allowed to stay. Praise the Lord! Your prayers have been heard.
Surrender. That doesn't sound like the most appealing concept. At this stage of my life, that seems to be a reoccuring theme. Laying down myself, and taking on the way of Jesus. This seems to be happening in even the littlest of things. I feel as if I'm under construction right now. Every motivation, thought, action, desire, is being surveyed, and then brought infront of the "filter" of Jesus Christ. Does this look like Jesus? Smell like Jesus? Sound like Jesus? If not, I don't want it. This is a beautifully painful thing and I'm thankful that the construction worker is a kind and gracious God.
Today is my last day in the first level of our German course. Next week I will no longer be in 1A but 1B! How exciting! I'm getting the hang of it more and more, just one step at a time. We had a substitute that talked about how learning German is like eating an elephant and that we can't expect to get it all at once. It was fun hearing him say all of that in German!
I've been making a lot more Austrian friends lately. I am so thankful. My desire for relationships outside of my team is overwhelming at times. I'm so thankful that God is starting to place people in my life that I can build a friendship with.
Continue to pray for our Visa situation. It is starting to look more promising. Two of my teammates have already secured their spots for a visa. They're also no longer looking at money as an issue for whether or not we're allowed to stay. Praise the Lord! Your prayers have been heard.
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