Mischief Maker

"My prayers are nothing other than a sense of the presence of God. My soul is simply insensible, at the time, to anything but divine love. When the appointed time of prayer has passed, I find no difference because I still continue with God, praising and blessing Him with all my might, so that I might pass my life in continual joy." - Brother Lawrence


This is what I'm practicing with many mistakes, slow beginnings and stubbornness. I'm not wasting time over my failures but moving forward and starting fresh with God moment by moment, minute by minute. When being intentional about how you spend your time, it's amazing what you'll find you waste so many hours on! "Our useless thoughts spoil everything. They are where mischief begins." This statement is so true, and very easy to turn a blind eye to. No one else can see or hear what goes on in that mind of yours as thoughts are spinning in and out continually! Imagine if we really did set our minds on things above or if we really had a mind like Christ?? Oh Lord, help me in my journey to invest my time in the things of Heaven!!

((And a quick shout out to my girl Catlin if you're reading this! I got your letter today and it meant a lot to me. You're oh so thoughtful and I love love love the headband and ear apparel. ))

Worth

There have been so many moments lately where I've had some thoughts that I wanted to share on my blog, but by the time I got around to the computer, they all just flew away. So, now I'm here to try and squeeze one or two out of my noggin. I've been pondering a lot on the worth of Jesus. Through one of my internship classes, I realized that my relationship with God leading up till recently had been almost entirely selfishly driven. I wanted God to do something for me, or make me feel a certain way, so I spent time with Him or read the Bible with that in mind. I've been reading Revelation a lot lately, and noticed that the angels and creatures and people hanging out around the throne of God can't seem to get over the worth of Jesus! That is their main focus of worship, in fact, it seems like they can't control it, they keep falling all over the ground and throwing crowns around and what not. To just gaze upon the beauty of God is where He wants us and oh man is it nice to forget about myself for a while! There's nothing more worthy of my thoughts, my efforts, my affections, nothing! It has been a fun/challenging journey to teach myself to actually turn my mind toward Jesus as often as possible. I'm reading "Practicing His Presence" by Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach and boy oh boy do they set a pretty amazing example of walking with God. I highly suggest picking up this book and giving it a look through. But anyways, I can't seem to think of a better way to spend my life. He deserves every little bit of me, so I'm trying to give the best thing I can, my time.

On a lighter note, I got my first letter from Jake yesterday. Hallelujah. 

Sweeping

Today when I walked in to the prayer room I felt so incredibly distracted. I felt sad and alone and couldn't get my mind off of my own feelings. Mostly, I was missing Jake and feeling a little distraught that this is only the first week. I asked God to help me trust Him with these emotions and I kept telling myself that I'm not getting any closer to Jake by thinking about him and moping. God came through, and swept me away into a really amazing time with Him. I forgot all of my issues, and my 'afflictions were eclipsed by His glory.' Then, somebody turned off the music in the prayer room and switched to the live IHOP webstream just in time for me to hear that they were praying for the new interns that just arrived in Kansas City. I couldn't stop laughing to myself as I prayed, (along with all of the people in the room I was in, hundreds of people in Kansas City, and possibly thousands of people tuning in on the webstream all across the world) for Jake! Haha!! So, when I stopped worrying, and feeling sorry for myself and trusted God to help me when I felt so removed from him, He provided in such a cool way! I'm so aware lately of how God's wisdom is far far greater than I could ever comprehend. I love following His leadership. He's so good at it.

Climb on up

My internship at the Gateway House of Prayer started on Saturday. It's a 5 month internship ending May 28th. I'm still working in the nursing home, with Home Helpers, and babysitting my nephew. We're doing a 'media' fast (facebook, movies, tv, secular music etc) and also required to fast from food once a week. We need to spend 10 hours a week in the prayer room and we have classes/home group two nights a week. Today Jake started his internship at the International house of prayer in Kansas City thus starting our 3 months of being pen pals only (his internship requires that dating couples only correspond through written mail). Let's just say, there's a lot of extra time and space in my life and I'm very delighted to devote it all to Jesus. I want this time to change me, to readjust my lifestyle. I want to love God with all of my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength. I want to know the heart of God and to let Him have all of mine. I want to climb up near Him and love and rest and plead and wrestle with Him. I want to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge. I'm excited. This season is all His.

Update!

My internship starts tomorrow

I should be in bed so I can't write more

I'm really looking forward to what God is going to do

More to come about what's been happening and what's in store

(and here's a pic from my visit to the north)