Wasting away

“None of us have an option when it comes to whether or not our lives will be wasted. The only option we have is how we will waste them. All of us will waste our lives either in sin and compromise, passivity, and the cares of this life, or we will waste them on Jesus. We can waste our lives on serving the devil and end up in a flaming trash heap called hell. Or we can waste our lives and our resources on Jesus as Mary did, laying up treasure in heaven where moths and rust won’t corrupt it and thieves cannot break through and steal it. O God, give us grace to live as Mary did.” - Mike Bickle (Passion for Jesus)


There's no neutral zone, no stagnant water, no stand still when it comes to what's happening in our Spirit. We're sowing one way or the other, we're being lead by the Holy Spirit or the flesh. That is such a sobering thought! This has influenced the way I live my life as I try to live before an audience of one, for the applause of my Father in Heaven, and with eternity in view. At the end of the day it only matters what one Man thinks about how my day was spent, how I responded to His love, and what my time and efforts went toward. I feel His jealousy that I don't lift my heart toward anything else. Now I'm faced with a choice, respond in love and faith, repenting from old ways and continuing in an abandoned pursuit, or I can ignore it, say that it's too hard, too much, too outlandish to love God in those extreme ways and go on with life as normal. It's painful, uncomfortable, and new, but I feel so overwhelmed by God's affection toward me every time I say yes. In fact, I've been so aware of His strong love for me even before I say yes, in the midst of the wrestling His affirming love has given me what I need to respond in obedience. I want to build my life with things that last, with gold and silver and precious stones. I can't do this without faith and wholehearted love. This is the only way to live! Oh Lord, I ask that my life would be one unbroken journey of progression in holy passion and love. I can't do it without you!

Mosaic

I just got back from an international food store and it made me miss being in a setting where I'm surrounded by people of other cultures and nationalities. When I walked in the store there was a guy there who looked Turkish, and while we were there at least 2 Russian people came in. That might not sound very exciting to you if you're currently living in a big city, but in little old Denver, Pennsylvania, I'm quite deprived of diversity! I love learning from other cultures. I love learning bits and pieces of other languages. I love looking at the differences in appearances. I love trying out new foods and beverages. The mixture of cultures on earth is really a work of art. I'm excited to be in another country again some day. I think I was made for that.

My purchases: smoked gouda cheese, Jewish Chalah bread, and a Milka bar

And even though the weather has been quite chilly lately, we can be sure that Spring will come! I found these little flowers the other day and they reaffirmed my hope.

And the countdown is 2 days until I chit chat with Jake!!!!

What's happenin'

I'm currently listening to my adorable 3 year old nephew pretend to be a power ranger downstairs. He's the blue one, but won't be a 'real power ranger till he gets bigger.' I love these kids.

Normally I have some kind of purpose or theme with my blog updates but I think this one will be just that, an update. So, here's how things have been as of lately. I've felt more connected to my fellow interns lately. On Monday night at our internship small group we stayed 2 hours longer praying for one another and hearing what God had on His heart for each person. Those moments create such a cool bond among believers. That's the way the Body of Christ is meant to work and it's so exciting to me. Wednesday night I came down with a nasty stomach bug, which I'm still recuperating from. I got sick during one of our internship classes and I was so touched by how everyone cared for me in different ways. They're starting to feel more and more like family. Today I wrote my last letter to Jake because his internship ends one week from now. Can you believe it?!? What seemed like it would last forever is almost over! It's still hard to believe that I'll actually be able to talk to him on a regular basis very soon. God has been so faithful during this time to sustain me and protect my heart. What an awesome season it has been! So far I've received 21 letters from Jake and I cherish every single one of them. I must admit, I am very thankful for the invention of skype. :)

pompom

This past Christmas I asked for a GPS for the car I don't own yet (talk about a leap of faith haha!). This little gadget didn't come with a case of any kind, which has caused me not to use it as often as I'd like, for fear of damaging it if I carry it around in my purse all the time. Now that I've finally finished all my knitting orders for other people, I decided to remedy that. Oh, I also received a pom-pom maker for Christmas and was eager to use it. I figured this would be my first project to test him out.

PTL

Tomorrow Jake and I will have been dating for 7 months. We've only spent about 3 and a half weeks together as a couple, but I couldn't seem to get away from him the 3 years or so prior to the start of our relationship. Dating him has taught me so much and it's amazing how much growth comes when another person becomes a huge part of your life. Even now, while we're only writing letters, God speaks to me time and time again through little tid bits that Jake writes. Man oh man, God is so faithful! After a crazy 3 and a half years of liking someone without any change in the status of our friendship (if you've never heard the story of what was going on prior to that fateful day when he asked me out, you should ask me! i love to tell it), starting a long distance relationship immediately after, and now only communicating through written mail, it is only by God's grace that I'm overjoyed and confident with the way things are! Our heavenly Father is such a good planner.

The internship is going really well. Almost daily I can feel change going on in my heart and my mindsets. My reactions are different. My thought processes are being refined. The way I carry myself is morphing. This isn't necessarily linked to anything spiritual, (but I think it might be) but the other day someone called me a girly girl! Anyone who has known me for more than a couple years knows that this term would never have been used to describe me before. It's exciting to me! I'm being transformed and I know that the change is pleasing to God. I'm no where near finished, but I'm going to take the advice of Paul and forget what is behind and press on toward what is ahead, to win the prize of which God has called me heavenward through Jesus! Sometimes the change is really painful at first. Being confronted with wrong mindsets or theologies that you've held on to for years isn't easy. But God's gentleness toward me and delight in my broken state is so motivating! He sees my hunger and will answer even with my weakness and misunderstandings of how He operates. The gift of the Holy Spirit to guide and counsel is so amazing to me through this process. God didn't leave us as orphans which is great news to me! I'm so excited to go on this journey of fellowship and love with God for the rest of my days.

(( I just got a letter in the mail today from Jake and on the back of the envelope it said these words; "Dear Mr. Postman, if this letter gets lost just send it to Heaven because it's for my angel" Haha!!! He's so great!))

Live Today

I just read my dear friend Natasha's blog and it was just what I needed to read. She talked about being thankful for the moments and opportunities you have now that won't always be there. This season of life right now is very transitional, which makes it very easy to be constantly looking ahead. Even the weather makes me tempted to always want something to come. So, here's a short rant about all of the things I want to soak in.

I may be living with my parents for the last time. My nephews are only young once and I get to spend so much time with them! My parents are so kind and generous to me and I have the opportunity to save a lot of money. I'm making a lot of new friends and finding a beautiful community of believers here that are so special to me. I love the city of Lancaster. These might be the last months at my home church, with the people who are so much like family to me. I'm getting to spend time with my sisters and actually be friends with them, rather than them just being my babysitter. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now when it comes to this internship. I'm learning, growing, and becoming more established in my faith during this season. Doing separate internships and only writing letters has actually been really awesome for my relationship with Jake. I will cherish the letters I receive from Jake and will look back on this correspondence fondly. The cold weather means there's still time for me to make myself a scarf finally! I love all of my clients as if they were family.

Wow! I am so blessed and aware of God's faithfulness. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I want to be diligent about making the most of every situation in this short but sweet season. I'm sure God has so much more in store!