Navel Gazing

 The wedding is just a few days away and Jake and I have some art projects to work on. Well, mostly Jake. I just help :)

Lately I've been tempted to do a lot of vain thinking about myself related to the wedding. Wishing; I could have lost one more pound, my skin was a few shades darker, my gnarly scar on my back wasn't so obvious, the latest red dots on my face would go away and so on. I felt God reminding me lately that the best thing I can give Jake is not some perfect image, but a heart fully devoted to the Father.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but 

a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Similarly, when the Day comes that I stand before God, He will see straight to the heart and know what I have to bring to Him. I have two building options: I can build my life with wood, hay, and stubble, or with gold, silver and precious stones (1 Corinthians 3:11-15). I have the choice of living a life of substance, focusing on the things that last and please God, or living a life of selfish ambition, vain conceit, and pride. When I do something for the praise of men, I've received my reward in full and will only have a measly piece of straw to lay before my Creator. When I walk out silent devotion that may not seem flashy and will possibly not be noticed by any, I bring with me worship that stands through the testing of God's firey eyes.

Perspective! This is the perspective I'm looking for, even in the midst of wedding planning. I'm in no way saying that it's wrong to try and look beautiful for a husband, but merely pointing out that this is not something that lasts and is not what is best. It's so easy to fall into that spiraling cycle of insecurity and I'm trying my hardest to fight against it.

Hold fast. Stand firm. Live holy. Speed His coming. 

It's all about a wedding to come.

It's all about a God who's a lover.

One week from today...

... I'm marrying this guy.

He's so great.
I'm so blessed.
I can't believe how time has flown.
I'm extremely excited.

September

So, it's update time. Can you believe it's September already? Less than a month till our big day and I really can't believe it. Things are definitely starting to fall into place. I'm so amazed at how much support and help I have from the people around me. We've been so blessed with 'hand me down' decorations and borrowed supplies like trucks, generators and chairs. Every time I visit the park that the wedding will be held, I fall more in love with the area. It has such a quaint feel to it. I'm so excited for that day. It's going to be lovely. We've been working on lots of 'do it yourself' projects for the wedding including our centerpieces. Here's a sneak peak of an unfinished one.

So on August 16th (our one year anniversary) I walked out to my car after work to find an envelope tucked under the windshield wiper. Jake was sending me on a scavenger hunt with clues leading me on a fun date. One of the clues sent me to the nearby Caribou coffee shop and I was told to order two wild berry peach smoothies to go. As I walked up to the cash register to order, the cashier handed me my next clue. Eventually the clues led me back to the place where Jake asked me to be his girl and he was there waiting. It was a lot of fun. He's such a thoughtful guy.

I've really enjoyed my Sundays here in Minnesota. After church, lots of people come over for a pot-luck lunch and hang out time. Some of my most dearest friends all gathered under one roof is a fantastic way to spend my sabbath. Ryan, Noelle, and I also really enjoy hosting these gatherings and trying to make them as special as possible.

I've also had a lot of fun being pen pals with my nephews in PA. Jake makes fun drawings and I write little notes and the boys love getting things in the mail. This time I bought a fun little card for my nephew Evan at a nearby boutique with all handmade things.

(haha, the pirate has a thigh tattoo! Rachael, if you read this, don't let the boys see it. It's on the way to your house!)

And lastly, I've been spending much of my attention and energy in this season leaning on a strength that isn't my own. I spend my mornings before work at the "Bethany Prayer Sanctuary" which is the church that I attend opening it's doors to the public to use as a house of prayer. My time there has been so essential-necessary-crucial-life giving-restful-painful and many other things all wrapped up into one. I need to be reminded over and over and over again what this life is all about. I need that gentle reminder that I'm living for the age to come and that prayer and abiding in the vine is the most important and wisest way to spend my time. I don't know if there's a "right" or a "best" way to plan a wedding, but I've found so far from my experience that ample amounts of time kneeling before the throne of grace in weakness and brokenness is the only way to keep things into perspective. Wedding magazines and photography blogs will tell you it's all about YOU on that day. They show you what "real" weddings look like of "real" people with lots and lots of money to spend on one day. I need that cold water thrown in my face pointing me back to the wedding to come. Marriage is meant to be a beautiful picture of a day and a time that no one knows the date of. Jesus was a real man and He's really coming back for a bride. I want to be storing up treasures for that day. I want to prepare myself for that day. I want to be a worthy bride for that wedding. It takes patient endurance and faithfulness and some days I don't feel like I have very much of either. In my weakness I'm crying out for mercy in this season, looking to the author and perfecter of my faith, and casting off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. I'm doing my best to run with perseverance, even with the obstacles and my occasionally worn down spirit. I'm living for the 'one thing' in the midst of everything else.